I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
