What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
