dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
