You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
