the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
