My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
it glows. i had to have it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
