woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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