well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
