Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You don't make any sense
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