don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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