i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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