He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
