Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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