allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
