That's intense
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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