I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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