i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
