i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
