Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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