guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
