dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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