My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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