im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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