Redeem this text for a blowjob
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
