She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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