Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
