I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The power of my boobs compel you
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
