I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
