doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
