its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The struggles of a small town man whore
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
