I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
