if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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