Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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