I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
