Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
