I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Someone came in the potted fern
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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