the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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