So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
