Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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