He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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