he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
