Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
