just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
