idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Randomize
