You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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