big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
