Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
