I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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