u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize