Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
