We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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