even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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