sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
