He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
True strength comes from lack of pants
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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