Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
