they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
