So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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