Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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