are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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