Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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