I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
