you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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