Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
