Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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