I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
