Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
