i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
